and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
