I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
