I puked a lego.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
