32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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