I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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