She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
