yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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