It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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