Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
