Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I pour the whiskey from now on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
