my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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