i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
