i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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