You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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