I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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