it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
