Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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