my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
