you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
