im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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