Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
