I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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