I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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