Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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