I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
