Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
