Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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