Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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