I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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