Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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