You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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