The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
