Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
