we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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