how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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