you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Come on in and take your pants off
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