I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize