i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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