dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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