so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?