He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes