Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.