Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it