Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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