nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.