just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants