May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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