I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
