watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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