I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
