it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
