In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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