I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am available for nakedness
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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