i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
