So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
