fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
