Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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