i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
