We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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