I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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