I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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