she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
