I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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