Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
