If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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