Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
