I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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