he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
