I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
