You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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