You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
