dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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