do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
