k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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