Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's get the cat blown out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
