I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
