Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
