i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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