"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
