Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
