This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pooping to opera.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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