i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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