when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
