there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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