I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
